Have you ever felt like a person around you acts as the main character in a TV show, treating everyone else around them like they only exist to serve their needs, almost to the point where they aren’t even real people with actual feelings?
If your answer is yes, you have most likely come across a narcissist, which, in a nutshell, refers to a person who thinks they are better and more important than everyone else, with practically no regard for anyone else’s wellbeing.
While you may think that you would never willingly stay in contact with such a person, the fact that narcissists can be quite charming and enticing at first through fake displays of generosity and kindness will usually lead to it being pretty difficult for you to see through the smoke screen they put up, which makes it critical to know the signs to identify a narcissist correctly before you get too involved.
10 Common Traits of Narcissists
Below, you’ll find 10 of the most common traits of narcissists, along with detailed explanations of each trait, which will help you to identify whether you’re dealing with a narcissistic person easily and make it possible to avoid their grasp before they get too close to you.
Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance
The very first sign you’ll notice when dealing with a narcissist is their grandiose sense of self-importance.
Simply put, a narcissist always thinks that they are the most important person wherever they go, regardless of where they are or who they are surrounded with.
They love to act as if the spotlight is naturally theirs in social settings, whether it’s endlessly talking about their achievements and how they could have been the only person to achieve such things, or constantly minimizing what anyone else has to share to make themselves look better in comparison.
As you may predict, this inflated ego also results in them expecting special treatment in every way possible as they go on with their daily life, even when complete strangers are involved.
For instance, if you end up going to a restaurant with a narcissist, you will most likely notice them immediately complaining to the waiting staff for the slightest inconvenience, such as someone else getting their food first, as they expect everyone to consider them special and treat them as such.
Since a narcissist lives under the illusion that they are above the rules that apply to everyone else, regardless of who they are, this problematic behavior innately extends to relationships as well, where they often expect their partner to fulfill all of their needs at all times, regardless of whether their partner is available or not.
Naturally, at the same time, they give nothing back, whether telling their stories of grandeur all the time and not being interested when it’s time to listen, or expressing their own desires while dismissing their partners’ feelings completely, as they believe that the other person is practically not worthy of their attention.
Lack of Empathy
Yet another sign you’ll come across when dealing with a narcissist is their severe lack of empathy.
Unlike a regular person who can relate to others in some capacity, and as a result, behave accordingly, a narcissist effectively sees everyone else as characters in a video game with no real feelings, practically only existing to serve them in one way or the other.
This lack of empathy often leads to narcissists having no issues when it comes to using those who are close to them for their personal benefit, whether it’s friends or coworkers, as a narcissist isn’t even remotely concerned with how someone else may feel due to their actions.
As an example, if you have a narcissistic colleague, you may suddenly end up in a situation where they end up taking credit for the work you’ve done to make themselves look better, without any regard for whether you’d be disappointed or frustrated, as a narcissist simply won’t be able to understand the emotional state you’re in as a result of their actions.
In relationships, a narcissist’s lack of empathy leads to them being completely unable to understand their partner’s feelings, whether positive or negative, which eventually creates a disconnect in the relationship where one side practically feels lonely all the time, as the narcissist constantly attempts to take without giving anything in return.
For instance, if you talk about a personal struggle to your narcissistic partner in hopes of receiving some support, you’ll most likely end up listening to the effects of your problems on them, rather than your feelings being the focus of the conversation, as a narcissist will automatically ignore how you are affected as a person, and concentrate on themselves instead.
Similarly, sharing your successes, such as a promotion at work, will end up with your narcissistic partner comparing themselves to you rather than celebrating your success and feeling proud of you for the exact same reasons we have talked about previously, which will leave you emotionally drained.
Excessive Need for Admiration
Considering that narcissists see themselves above everyone else, it’s only natural that they have an excessive need for admiration, which is another glaring sign to look out for.
When you’re in the presence of a narcissist, you’ll immediately notice that they’re always steering the conversation to a place where they expect you to give them credit, whether it’s talking about the new weight loss journey they are on or the promotion they secured at work, just so you can congratulate them.
As an example, in a scenario where you have gathered with friends to have dinner on the weekend, the narcissist will be quick to be the one to start sharing all about the newest positive developments in their life, making sure to go into every little detail and more to prolong their speech as much as possible to the point where everyone else has no other chance but to nod along, with the sole intention of showing everyone how well they’re doing and receiving praise for it.
While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to share personal milestones and expecting some validation from your peers, which is part of human nature after all, what separates a narcissist from a regular person is that they never get enough of it, regardless of how much you’ve given them already, which practically causes every conversation to be nothing more than the narcissist’s personal show where everyone else is only a spectator and nothing more.
Naturally, the narcissist’s excessive need for admiration leads to dull conversations (which are practically monologues) where it practically becomes impossible for anyone except the narcissist to share anything, which leaves everyone mentally drained and eventually strains relationships due to them not being able to put up with the needs of the narcissist anymore, as it simply becomes too much to tolerate.
Sense of Entitlement
There’s no surprise that a sense of entitlement is another sign of a narcissistic person, as entitlement practically goes hand in hand with thinking highly of yourself.
In a nutshell, a narcissist will always expect you to prioritize them and completely disregard whether you would be inconvenienced as a result of this. Whether it’s something small like meeting up for coffee on short notice, or something bigger like helping them move into their new place, a narcissist will always expect you to be available to help them.
For instance, if your narcissistic friend calls you late at night for a chat, and you tell them that you’re currently not available as you’ll be going to bed to wake up early the next day, you’ll most likely never hear the end of it about how you’re a bad friend who never shows up when they need you, as they feel like they are already entitled to having your attention at all times.
Even if you were around to help your narcissistic friend every single time, which they will never really appreciate, saying “no” just one time will erase everything you’ve done so far, as the narcissist will only focus on how you haven’t met their needs rather than how you have helped them whenever it was possible.
Naturally, this sense of entitlement will eventually lead to the relationship becoming strained, as the narcissist’s repeated failure to be grateful will, even if you’re the most patient person ever, become intolerable to the point where you just can’t deal with it anymore.
Exploitative Relationships
One of the most dangerous traits of a narcissist is their tendency to exploit their relationships for personal gain, once again completely ignoring how the other party may feel as a result of their actions.
As narcissists usually think of relationships as one-sided transactions where they are the sole beneficiaries, they consistently exploit the good intentions of the people around them, whether it’s borrowing money and never repaying, or asking for favors but not returning them later on.
For example, let us take a look at the hypothetical scenario of you picking up your friend’s kids from school every Monday, as your friend’s work schedule is particularly busy on Mondays, which makes them unable to leave the office.
As soon as you’re running late for just one day, and ask your narcissistic friend to pick up your kids from school, they will most likely tell you that they can’t make it with some excuse attached to it, not because they can’t move things around to help you out, especially after you’ve been helping them for so long, but simply because they cannot be bothered with the inconvenience.
Since there’s nothing more natural than feeling frustrated after helping your friend all this time, only for them to practically ignore you when you’re the one who needs help, relationships with narcissistic individuals eventually grow weaker due to the constant frustration of them taking but never giving, which nobody should really put up with for long.
Difficulty Handling Criticism
As you may predict, a person who thinks they are above everything will not accept criticism, especially from people who they believe to be insignificant, which is yet another standout sign you’re dealing with a narcissist.
When you criticize a narcissist, whether it’s a friend, a colleague, or even a stranger, the first thing you’ll notice is that they become incredibly defensive or even hostile at times instead of evaluating your criticism and responding to it for what it is, even when it’s a constructive one that would most likely benefit them in the long run if they chose to learn from it.
For instance, if you attempt to show a better way of doing something to your narcissistic colleague, they’ll completely focus on defending their way or even attack what you’ve shown them instead of putting both methods through a fair comparison to see what would actually work better, as this is now a competition in their mind, and a narcissist can never lose a competition.
Since narcissists are always in this constant state of competition where they deem themselves to be superior compared to everyone else, criticism often sounds like a personal attack they need to respond to rather than a piece of valuable information they can use to improve themselves, which creates needless conflicts all the time.
As you may predict, narcissists’ need to defend themselves or even attack others for criticizing them eventually leads to relationships breaking off, as nobody really wants to spend the time to be around someone when there’s always a risk of a confrontation breaking out for no apparent reason.
Frequent Envy or Belief Others Are Envious
Another thing you’ll notice when dealing with a narcissist is envy, which can either present itself in the form of the narcissist envying others, or believing that other people are envious, even when there’s no good reason to think this way.
Since a narcissist thinks that every single moment in life is a competition and nothing else, you’ll usually find them speaking about how everyone around is envious of them, whether it’s talking about a friend who is currently not present or a colleague who works at the same position as them.
As an example, your narcissistic friend may randomly end up talking about how they’re much better than everyone else in their department during a casual conversation, and how everyone else is envious of them, even though they’re working in the same position.
That said, if you ever mention this, your friend will most likely respond with how their colleagues are sabotaging their chances at a promotion as a result of their envy.
In some cases, this envy can turn the other way, with the narcissist talking about how they are envious of someone else on the grounds that they are actually the one who deserves the things the other person has and that the other person is actually not worthy, even if they’ve worked hard to get to where they are.
For instance, a narcissistic friend of yours, upon seeing a celebrity on TV, such as an actress, can suddenly go on a long rant about how they just got lucky to be there, and how they would be a lot more suited for the role if they were given the chance, without even knowing any of the difficulties associated.
While we all feel envy at certain points in our lives, as this is human nature, a narcissist puts envy at the center point of their life, whether it’s feeling envy for others, which stems from their sense of entitlement, or feeling that everyone else is envious of them, which is a result of their unrealistic view of self-importance.
Arrogant Behaviors
While we can’t say that every arrogant person is a narcissist, we can confidently say that every narcissist is arrogant – making it important to keep your eyes peeled for other signs of narcissism when you come into contact with an arrogant person.
As narcissists believe they are better than everyone else around them, arrogance, unless they try to hide it, is a narcissist’s default behavior, whether it’s disregarding the opinions of others regardless of their level of expertise, giving unsolicited advice, exaggerating their own abilities, or being plainly condescending for no reason.
For instance, if you’re at a work meeting, and one person is constantly pitching ideas about how things should be done while completely ignoring what anyone else has to say, whether it’s criticisms or alternative ideas that are actually better, you can be sure that you’re in the presence of an arrogant person.
While arrogance is a trait that will hurt the narcissist a lot more than the people around (as it will only tarnish the narcissist’s reputation without any personal gain), which can lead to people tolerating this behavior on the grounds that it doesn’t directly harm them and not think much of it, it’s a good sign that you shouldn’t get too close to someone instead of tolerating it regardless of whether they are a narcissist or not.
Manipulation and Gaslighting
It’s no surprise that a narcissist will easily resort to tactics such as manipulation and gaslighting for their personal advantage, which is yet another glaring sign you should be careful of.
As narcissists only care about themselves, they practically see manipulation as just another tool in their toolbox to achieve their goals without having regard for any of the implications, which makes them quite dangerous to everyone around.
For example, a narcissistic colleague may end up asking you for a favor on the grounds that they’re feeling unwell that day, even if this isn’t actually the case (and it usually isn’t), only to either downplay or even refuse the favor you’ve done when the time to give back comes around, effectively getting you to do their work for free.
This kind of manipulation doesn’t only serve the narcissist’s purposes, but also harms you, as you may end up doubting your own recollection of events as a result, especially if you’re being constantly exposed to a narcissist’s manipulation tactics to the point where their lies become your truths.
While it can be quite difficult to grasp whether you’re being manipulated, looking out for signs such as blame shifting, playing the victim, gaslighting, and minimizing your feelings, especially if they happen frequently, should give you a pretty good idea of what’s happening, and help you avoid the grasp of the narcissist.
Additionally, in a case where you suspect you’re being manipulated, documenting the events will be immensely helpful, as you will have access to proof that doesn’t rely on your own memory in situations where you end up doubting yourself.
Fantasies of Unlimited Success
Last but not least, narcissists are known for their fantasies of unlimited success, no matter how unreasonable they may sound, as they believe that they are practically entitled to such success just for being themselves, disregarding the number of factors, whether it’s putting in work, or getting considerably lucky, required to achieve such a high level of success.
Whether it’s getting a high-paying job, becoming famous, living a luxurious life, or being cherished by everyone around them, narcissists always have some expectation of success that most people would consider to be extravagant, especially without having to put in any effort to achieve these things, as their level of entitlement practically makes it impossible for them to think of any other outcome.
As an example, when speaking to a narcissist, you will most likely hear them talking about their future successes as if they have already happened without any chance of failure, and in a case where you poke holes in their plans, you will be met with either anger or disregard, as they already feel entitled to all the success they’re speaking about, regardless of the effort that’s actually required to achieve such success.
While a narcissist’s fantasies of unlimited success usually aren’t harmful to the people around them in itself, it’s still a vital sign to keep your eyes peeled for, as it can give away someone’s narcissistic tendencies early on and allow you to avoid them before the more problematic traits come into play.
Conclusion
As staying in contact with a narcissist for a prolonged time can be harmful to you in many ways, whether it’s draining you emotionally or sabotaging your work, noticing the signs that someone is a narcissist before you become too deeply involved with them is key to protect yourself when meeting new people.
By having a good understanding of narcissistic traits, whether it’s their lack of empathy or their overexaggerated sense of self-importance, you will be able to steer yourself clear before a narcissist comes too close to you and avoid having to deal with all the negatives later on.